It is June, and I count my blessings.
Vines dripping in snap peas. Bowl after bowl of strawberries. Lettuces grown so large, I cradle one leafy head like a toddler in my arms. And carrots. I’ve never had much luck with carrots, but, this year, carrot tops are waving in the breeze like a dense fern forest.
And these are not my only blessings. Four wild, whooping noisemakers munch on raw peas and hunt for strawberries. Two boys can usually be found up a tree. One small girl runs after the kitties, grabs small green cherries from the low-hanging branches of the sour cherry tree, and never looks back at the big sister who follows, calling, “Elsa, come back. Elsa, are you ready to go inside?”
Yet even blessings can weigh you down and wear you out. Four small faces sticky with berry juice seem to ask more of me than I have to give.
***
***
We like to speak of callings. We acknowledge the dignity of difficult work when we say I am called to this.
And parents do the same. I am called to mother. I am called to father. But I have always imagined a calling to be like the revelation of something already there. God has called me to be a writer. God has called you to be a teacher. Or an encourager. Or a farmer. This is calling as the meeting place of God’s work and your talent.
Which is why I have never said I am called to be a mother. I am blessed, richly blessed, with four young children, but I have no particular talent for the work involved. On tired afternoons, I might even say my need for quiet, alone time makes me especially unsuited for the job.
***
Perhaps I have misunderstood the word. Perhaps a calling has nothing to do with talent or giftedness or any kind of suitability at all. Was a poet shepherd suited to battle giants? Was a young boy asleep in the temple especially gifted at hearing the voice of God?
It seems he wasn’t. Three times Samuel got up from his bed having confused the voice of heaven’s King with the voice of his master Eli.
And so I acknowledge all the ways I can never measure up to the blessings I’ve been given. But I will follow in Samuel’s incompetent but faithful footsteps. I will say, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”
And I will tell of what I hear.
Because our God calls.
What a blessing this morning Christy as I sit numbed by the call to direct VBS!!! Thank you for the grace and mercy your meesage offers!!!!!!!!!!
xo
And praying continued grace and mercy for you, Tracy.
Christie, I love this! How glad I am that you are called to be a writer. So often your talent meets up with God’s work in my life. Thank you.
Thank you, Brenda! Your words are such an encouragement. Bless you.
Savoring each word and whispering “Amen” with bowed head under a lone candle flame this morning. Thankful for you Christie.
And me for you. Thank you, Shelly.
so beautiful, and resonates so deeply with me. thank you, again, for sharing your gift, Christie.
Thank you, Amy! I’m always so grateful for your presence here.
Yes… Yes. This is for me too. How I know, soul-deep the truth of this. Thank you, Christie.
Thank you, Kris. It means so much to know I’m not alone in this.
Another thought provoking gem Christie. But if someone were to ask you if you truly love your children, what would be your reply?
And if from your heart you say that indeed you love them, then regardless of what other skills you may or may not have, you are suited to be the best mother there is.
Thank you, Larry. It has taken me years, but I am now at the point where I fully accept the wisdom of your words. Yes, I love them, and, yes, I believe God intended me for their mother and he intended that for their good. It’s hard to believe sometimes, but I am finally convinced that it is the truth. Thank you for reading and sharing your wisdom!
There is so much confirmation here as I too have been mulling the “call”. Thank you for telling what you hear because I am hearing Him speak in, through, and by your words.
Tammy, I can’t tell you how that blesses me. Thank you so much for sharing.
Such wise words! I want to hang on to this when I feel ill equipped: “Was a poet shepherd suited to battle giants? Was a young boy asleep in the temple especially gifted at hearing the voice of God?”
Thank you, Stephanie. I’ll be holding on to those words right there with you. Funny how we can write out the very thing we most need to hear, isn’t it? I love that about the writing life.
Interesting distinction. Not sure I agree, though. I think wherever we find ourselves, we are often called to be there. Exactly there. The main reason I worked part time in ministry was because I believed that I was called to family life first. I struggled to keep it in balance and limiting my working hours helped me to do that. Perhaps not everyone battles the same issues, I do, however, so I’m willing to proffer the idea that we are simply defining terms differently. Whaddya think?
Diana, I honestly don’t know. I usually write myself toward some sort of firm place but not this time. I’ve long struggled with the word calling as it relates to my motherhood, but I don’t know if my struggle is with the real thing or with some false idea I have about it. Still puzzling this one out and grateful for your voice of experience.
The willingness . . . even hesitantly . . . is beautiful worship.
Thank you, Amy. And I agree, it’s the willingness, our “yes,” that matters most though I continue to struggle with the rest …
Oh Amen. Amen. Can I say I don’t feel called to be a Mom of teenage boys, yet I am blessed beyond measure and would not trade it. Yet I rely heavily on God’s grace and mercy and pray he raises them right through my stumbling.
“… right through my stumbling.” Yes, exactly that, Lori.
Ahhh, calling. And love of the calling.
I love my GRANDS. But not sure I’d say that is my calling. Would I have responded differently when our boys were home? Maybe. I lean toward loving the joy of our children and the blessing they are … not the calling.
I’ve been praying over God’s word to me concerning my Sabbath-Living Retreats. The calling (and that’s what I believe it is) has slowly dawned. There is a new excitement and rest in hearing. Loved your reminder of Samuel.
I think Echoes is part of my calling. I love writing it. And I believe I heard God’s affirmation quite a while ago on this part of my life.
Calling, the revelation of something already there. I think you’re right on.
your comment: “Funny how we can write out the very thing we most need to hear, isn’t it? I love that about the writing life.”
YES. which is why when I am not writing, I am not thriving. I am often amazed to go back through my blog archives and come across posts and think, “who wrote that? and how much different would my life be right now if I *remembered* and *believed* that?”
I can’t figure out which comes first–do I stop writing because I am struggling, or do I struggle because I stop writing?–either way it is a persistent, vicious cycle, hard to claw my way out of.
Yes, yes. Exactly, Christie. Thank you.
Thinking over Diana’s comment and your response, and I think calling is a tricky thing. Maybe we’re talking about obedience–we’re always called to that. I’m currently “serving” in a job that is ministry to me, a calling. But that doesn’t mean God isn’t calling me to also serve my family or to pursue other avenues of service to Him.
What I struggle with often is the idea of “follow your dreams” because I wonder sometimes if our dreams are just OUR dreams, but not God’s true call on our lives.
Just thinking out loud here . . . 🙂